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Feature: Psychologies Magazine

Thank you Psychologies Magazine for featuring my thoughts on why some people don’t like special occasions, and that if this is the case, it’s ok!

Summary of my thoughts:

1) If you’re dreading a special occasion and feel bad about that- please know you’re not alone. More people struggle with celebrating social gatherings than you’d think. Go for a non- judgemental observational approach such as “ I don’t like all this and that’s ok- interesting that I don’t like it- I wonder why”.

2) Zoom out to zoom in: If you’re feeling unsettled / anxious/ angry/hurt, see this as data to process and turn towards. Zoom out- see yourself from another perspective - someone else’s eyes. Zoom in- what’s causing the negative emotion- are the holidays triggering an earlier issue from the past which is now creating tension in present day dynamics? Are you putting pressure on yourself- if so why? Whose pressure is that- your own or from someone else? Non-judgemental curiosity with a compassionate tone can take the heat off. Have a low threshold for getting support if needed.

3) Perfectionism and placing high standards on yourself are unhelpful . Most things are not perfect especially when there are so many moving parts.

4) Comparisons are not a useful way to go either; people tend to share a positively skewed version and that’s not reality. Not everyone is happy all the time.

5) Know we flow- nothing stays still - everything flows on, including negative emotions. Sometimes we don’t feel happy and that’s ok- it’ll pass eventually as our emotional states are in motion.

Brain-Based Connection®

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